Here is a lot more about me as a therapist.
My first counseling question, Why are you here seeking therapy?, is
answered with ease by people quickly listing all their conditions,
hardships and obstacles. Equally important for me to know and often my
second question, what are your assets? I want to know what are you doing
to survive all this nonsense? I don’t need you down playing your
strengths; life is hard enough on its own. I get it, now.. what are you
fighting it with? It’s a tough question and as you might be trying to
find a therapist, I want you to know about one of my strengths. I don’t
fit nicely in a stereotype box and no wonder I challenge it with every
breath. I recently was introduced to the book, Daring Greatly, written
by Brene Brown and it has given me some language to identify and express
what people have always said about me. I didn’t know that one word
could capture my essence.
I am Wholehearted.
The breakdown of that is less dramatic and more complex because
living a wholehearted life has some conditions and yet, finally after
searching for a word that captures the sparkle, I can explain and even
teach it! I didn’t know because I had been developing into this
warmhearted person for years. Some of the conditions were natural for me
and some were cultivated by learning to love myself. It is the
eccentric person that I always admire. They simply care more what they
believe about themselves than what others believe about them. Reading
Ralph Waldo Emerson in the 10th grade was my first hint, “To
be great is to be misunderstood”. I recognized early that following the
norm was not the way I wanted to live my life and I wanted to find a
path that was true for me.
The first condition took a while to develop. I had to test a few
things and learn to be confident with those decisions. The end result
was simply being, Authentic. I saw the greater reward
in my connections. I stopped pretending and started becoming. My
favorite compliment to date came when I was doing my internship at
Community Mental Health Center’s to get my Bachelor of Social Work
degree. I was facilitating a group at the Clubhouse, a day center for
individuals with Chronic Mental Illness. I asked members in a group to
share strengths about each other and a lady whom rarely interacted told
me that I was “Real”. It was simple, unique, and it was important
because it meant I had connected to her, she trusted me. She had been
watching quietly in the corner for weeks to determine if I was
consistent and genuine in my caring for others. She gave me a real
answer, with some depth, and I took that value with me. I understood
that I was entering into relationships and I should try and empathize
with what I was asking of them. They were watching my actions as well as
my words. All people do.
Before I started seeing adolescents at the Juvenile Detention Center I
insisted on being locked up. Granted I had some control, I knew I would
get out. I wanted to feel what it would be like behind the doors,
sitting along the cold block wall, without shoes, wanting something, and
unsure what or how to get it, waiting for someone to check on me.
Waiting. Not that I need to endure every hardship I counsel, but
acknowledging the common thread of emotion that kids might feel being
detained helps. Getting in touch with my delinquent side doesn’t make
me a delinquent, it just helps me understand their stories… I get it.
It’s too easy to make what other people think the measure of our
value. But this can lead us to very unauthentic behavior, from copying
fashions to going along with others even when they are wrong. I embrace
individuality openly. The result of that is I carry a freedom to be
myself. I am constantly looking for options and challenging norms. I’m a
weirdo, a freak, eccentric, I drive a fast moped named Flame, and dress
with some range… if the occasion permits. I’m not attached to one
style. It gives me the freedom to believe that I am more than what it
appears at any given time. That means both I can dress eccentrically
maybe a purple beehive hairdoo or boring mainstream brown and down if
I’m showing up for a crisis intervention with the Police Department.
Purple beehive hair is distracting and I don’t need it to know I’m
unique and my best self-shows up with the intention to help them. This
giving myself permission to be me, my true authentic self thus in turn
gives you permission. .. that totally also means, dress comfortably for
counseling.
Wholehearted people use Self –Compassion because
nothing and no one is perfect. Constantly striving for perfection can
lead us in to punishing and self-destructive behaviors. Maintaining a
perfect life is not realistic and being critical for not meeting that
standard is harmful. Challenging that voice in your head can sometimes
be difficult. Consider for a moment the devil on one shoulder, angel on
the other senerario. We are often taught that talking back to the devil
image or flicking him off your shoulder. “Go away, Go away, Go away”
tactics work when he is yelling. Sometimes they do, temporarily. And I
consider the “bad boy” adolescent sitting in the detention center crying
alone in his room because his feelings are hurt about a
misunderstanding with staff. He missed his phone call to his mom and no
one ever dealt with the actual misunderstanding, only his behavior of
yelling was managed. If he was my “devil” and I just heard his yelling
and threats, wouldn’t I also miss his hurt feelings? I use
self-compassion to recognize those feelings, as well as when I embrace
the things I’m not good at doing. I don’t have to be everything to be
someone.. and I surely don’t need to be perfect.
The Juvenile Delinquent devil on my shoulder was tired of being
ignored and flicked. She says some nasty things that may hurt my
feelings but underneath it all she is insecure and wants to be liked. I
don’t want to punish her anymore. By having compassion for myself I
recognize that I want to be my own best friend. That starts by being
nice. Everyone has insecurities, inadequacies, struggles. Sharing
common feelings is what connects us.
Having a Resilient Spirit is not about bouncing
back, It’s about our responses to a problem or rather simply not
reacting until there is a problem… a true problem. Until then we should
just chill. Rest up, planning, and preparing for it doesn’t prove to
help it just wears us down. We shouldn’t however, ignore the problem but
the influence is a simple belief that IF, something bad happens I will
figure it out. I’m smart,I’ve met people, .. good ol’ George Carlin
said, “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of
them are stupider than that.” A resilient spirit provided me and my
family the courage to buy, reside and drive our 45 foot boat without any
experience on a nine month adventure around Florida with the thought,
have you met people with boats? We can figure it out.
*I also wanted to mention my gift for taking what sounds like a
serious topic and turning it into insightful jibberish. Would you have
thought that I could make Resilient spirit about stupid people and bonus
points for throwing in some GC (just saying).
I am Grateful and reek of Joy –To
be wholehearted we need to spend time being grateful for what we have
and feeling the joy that comes from just having enough and not needing
more. I have been happily married for more than 20 years and I have two
amazing children that have always loved me for me. Numerous times I’ve
been told by people that my encouragement saved their life. It’s a
pretty intense compliment; I was never physically in the room, just in
their hearts. Their lives matter. I’m grateful they made it past that
moment and trusted me. I meant it when I said they were worthy of life
and happiness… I mean it.
I have faith that things will work out, and trust my intuition
to guide me. It will be okay. I don’t know what that specifically
means. It often looks different from what I first desire, I sometimes
throw a fit about why it didn’t go my way before I suck it up and learn
from lesson also realizing that not ever lesson is about me, sometimes
I’m along for the ride. It’s the best I can do for now. Trusting my
intuition as a therapist helps me know how far to push topics with
sensitivity while recognizing the difference with avoidance. It helps
me understand the truth, despite lies being told. It’s the tools that
can help us cope and navigate our way through uncertain times in our
lives. Not every choice or decision we make will be correct. We can
cultivate a life that freely lets go of things that we can’t control and
embraces faith and belief in the strength of oneself. This is an
important part of wholehearted living.
I don’t want you to be scared by the word, Creative
or think that I’m an amazing artist, it’s not about that. The thing is I
am creative and I do art, I dress, I decorate, I take pictures, I
craft. And, being an “Artist” is my quick explanation for behaving
strange. Taking pictures at the Bargersville Outdoor Flea Market is a
good example. I understand, that it might seem strange of me to take
pictures of strangers, I get that and yet if I say,” I’m an Artist”,
that seems to explain things usually. What I should explain instead is,
I’m being mindful while I’m taking pictures. I’m walking around, looking
through treasures, also being aware of moments I find interesting in
people, their faces, and their reactions. My camera aim isn’t perfect, I
usually miss the shot I’m after .. it doesn’t matter. I’m onto the
next… My art isn’t about the end project; it’s about trying to capture a
moment, express a feeling or thought that doesn’t have words. So far, I
haven’t done anything with these pictures, I’m open to future projects
and will have the photos when needed.
My office is overwhelming. My standard for hanging things from the
ceiling is 5’2. I paint on the walls randomly and glitter is thrown on
the floor as needed. The amount of things around you is layered with
things we use to create worlds, prompt discussions and challenge
behaviors. Like a messy room, it is comforting to some; they don’t seem
to notice the lights above. Talking about problems don’t fill up an
empty room, it just disappears in the clutter. It’s safe, away from
crowds and the couch is soft and it’s not perfect (for sure).. it’s not
supposed to be. It gives us freedom to not be perfect. Letting go of
comparisons is a powerful way the wholehearted become more creative. ..
it’s organized though .. it’s just a lot.Expressing the thought or
emotion and simply releasing it alone carries therapeutic value. To
further add, I have specialized training in art and play therapy
techniques that can be utilized to further understand the expression and
gain awareness. The space provides the opportunity to practice learned
skills and creates moments to be learn from.
It’s important that my space offer both a place to, Rest and Play.
Taking in a breath, reflecting on life, learning how to let go, and
move forward are serious goals. Incorporating rest, acknowledgement, and
celebration is important. Utilizing Laughter, Song and Dance
in the therapy process in times of celebration or when you just need to
lighten up, dance it out and have fun. The play therapy techniques I
learned from becoming a Certified Adlerian Play Therapist can totally be
done without being a playful person. I am playful. I don’t turn it off
and on only when I’m with kids, I turn it off and on as it is
appropriate. Life provides the challenges the healing process doesn’t
always have to be sooooooo deep
The use of play is powerful and not just for kids. For example, my
playful spirit makes it easy to re-create an outburst that occurred with
a much more dramatic acting tone. I bolt out a few playful yells first
to re-capture the scene, making it easier to clarify the story. While
it is playful, we are talking about a serious situation, identifying
what was realistically occurring at the time of the fight helps us gain
insight and awareness. While that might be a technique, it’s the
delivery system. Now, I can go on and on and on about Play therapy
techniques, in which I understand this article is about me sharing my
strengths. But I need to be done with this already. Almost there, I
promise. Take a break if needed, this is a lot.
Calmness and Stillness, So Breathe. How easy do you
find it to just do nothing? I’m great at it! I take the back roads a
lot more days. Life is anxious enough and I have found that I can jump
on the interstate if I need to get there faster but I practice slowing
down. Today, on the way to yoga I saw a red fox on the side of the road,
I totally would have missed it had I not been paying attention. Yoga,
breathing, nature, it took me a while to make time for this value. It’s a
choice. I’ll repeat that, it’s a choice. I could never quite find the
time to be still until recently. I was too busy shaking things up. I’m
getting older and wiser and still fully embrace those still shaking.
This is it, my purpose. I’m a Licensed Clinical Social Worker trained in a variety of techniques. Providing therapy is my, Meaningful Work.
I’ve always known my purpose,I just couldn’t explain why I’m different.
My heart has gotten bigger since I found out this information. I feel
like I understand what “unique”, “wild”, “crazy” meant. I thought I was
simply an admired weirdo until I found this word, “Wholehearted.” That
sounds so much better, don’t you think?
You might not understand the process, you might not understand me,
and still know that being open to the experience is the sort of person I
see in therapy. That’s all it takes, someone willing to be real and
open to feeling improvements in your life. Although, I might not be the
person you are looking for, I understand that, I’m not for everyone. I
decided to stop trying to be for everyone and start being for myself. I
know I got people out there open to the experience of hanging out in an
amazing creative art space, listening to the chirping birds, having
faith that they can be happier and trust that being creative, dancing,
having fun and resting while being your own best friend.. Chilling and
just Being.. Until something happens sort of people are out there.
I am a wholehearted person that got a whole lot of information in
therapy.. or maybe a whole lot of information in therapy made me a
wholehearted person.. I don’t know. I’m also told I’m a “Rockstar,”..
but really, being wholehearted is enough for now. As you might be
searching for mental health services, I am a little different than what
you might expect, and that’s okay, I think it’s better.